Please welcome Steffi from http://mummydothat.blogspot.com She is this week's guest blogger on regional accents and dialects. Originally from Germany, she has lived in Glasgow for 12 years and wanted to share her thoughts on what we all know is a very unique place.


Glasgow. Home to the Patter. You know, I have to laugh when I hear that the Ken Loach film “My Name is Joe” had to be shown subtitled – not just in the U.S. (which I can understand) but in the rest of the UK. Because people south of the border (i.e. England) apparently don’t understand Glaswegian.

Personally, I think every British local dialect is equally hard to understand. As a non-native who lived in Ireland and Scotland, I have no bother understanding any Irish and Scottish accent as well as any Northern English accent. Send me to London, Essex, Wales or Birmingham and I feel like I’m learning a new language. And I get asked if I’m Irish which is rather funny as nobody in Ireland or Scotland would ever ask me that. Or take this scenario: we’re doing a podcast and my Scottish and my Northern Irish colleagues interview each other. The trainer struggles to tell the two voices apart – “you sound so alike!”. Ergh what? To me, they sound like night and day. Yet I remember a time when I too thought that people from Northern Ireland and from Glasgow sounded similar.

Glaswegian isn’t the hardest dialect to understand. Honest. It’s fairly simple once you make the effort and listen to it. And yes, I admit there was a time when I was thrown into Glasgow, shared an 8 hour train journey to Swansea with my friend’s Glaswegian husband and didn’t understand much of what he was saying. But those 8 hours taught me Glaswegian.





There are degrees of Glaswegianism of course. Take Mr Cartside who has a lovely Scottish accent with a few grammatical idiosyncracies, but other than that, he actually speaks something only mildly removed from “standard” English. Take his dad and you’re more likely on the route to having a bit of bother. Not I of course, and Mr Cartside thinks it’s hilarious when I say that he speaks Scots rather than Scottish English. But honestly, he does! Then there’s a colleague of mine who has a perfectly formed Glaswegian patter, but so perfectly enounced that she’s great for learning all about it (and may I add that there are few people who I think are easier to understand than her!), thus preparing me for my next session with disengaged youths somewhere in the deepest East End of Glasgow. Now that’s challenging.Deepest Glaswegian patter + youth speak + teenage mumbling = German expat youth worker really struggles. And I’m not meant to struggle, if I’m meant to have any street cred!

However, there’s help at hand. Soon, I’ll be able to hire a translator to aid my interaction with those youngsters bursting with linguistic creativity. You see, Today’s Translation, a London based translation agency, is recruiting speakers of Glaswegian to save the southerners from embarrassing incidents of “lost in translation”.





So Glaswegian apparently has an endless supply of amusement. While I don’t think the dialect itself is any funnier than other variations of English, I have to admit that I love the humour. I get close to wetting myself when I watch Chewing the Fat. It’s the self depreciating attitude, the taking oneself anything but serious that I love. So you get Glaswegian comedians presenting themselves as down and outs, fast food junkies, alcoholics, ever miserable and without any ambition to be anything they are not, naïve and oh so lovable. And while there’s some element of truth in those stereotypes, of course it’s not all that bad: yes, buckfast consumption is rather high, and so is that of its cure Irn Bru. You may occasionally find a chippy that does actually sell deep fried mars bars, and pizza does get deep fried and served with chips. The health record among the working and non working classes is indeed atrocious, and poverty levels are much higher than they should be in Scotland’s biggest city. We do moan about the constant rain, but no way are Glaswegians miserable. To be fair, a bit more ambition may be good, but it also means you don’t get annoyed at people pretending they are Jesus or the richest fart in town. Nothing wrong with that as far as I can tell. And above all, I’ve never regretted living in this fabulous city.





If you want to learn the beautiful language that is Glaswegian, don’t fret, you can! Luath Scots Language Learner would be the book to get, but of course you can also dive into the famous Glasgow Patter, or indulge in the Scots Online site

And so you can enjoy some Glaswegian right now right here, and even test how Glaswegian you are, here’s one I nicked from here (and changed slightly because it wasn’t Glaswegian enough). I think I may rate about 80% Glaswegian by this test. Hoo aboot yous?

You are Glaswegian if…
1. Ye can properly pronounce McConnochie ;-), Ecclefechan, Milngavie, Sauchiehall, St Enoch, Auchtermuchty and Aufurfuksake.
2. Ye actually like deep fried battered pizza fae the chippie.
3. Ye get four seasons in wan day.
4. Ye canny pass a chip/kebab shop withoot sleverin when yer blootert.
5. Ye kin fall about pished withoot spilling yer drink.
6. Ye see people wear shell suits with burberry accessories - pure class!
7. Ye measure distance in minutes.
8. Ye kin understaun Rab C Nesbitt and know characters just like him, in yer ain family.
9. Ye go tae Saltcoats cos ye think it is like gaun tae the ocean.
10. Ye kin make hael sentences jist wae sweer wurds.
11. Ye know whit haggis is made ae and stull like eating it.
12. Somedy ye know his used a fitba schedule tae plan thur wedding day date.
13. You've been at a wedding and fitba scores are annoonced in the Church/Chapel.
14. Ye urny surprised tae find curries, pizzas, kebabs, fish n chips, irn-bru, fags and nappies all in the wan shop.
15. Yer holiday home at the seaside has calor gas under it.
16. A big flash car has a ned at the wheel.
17. Ye know irn-bru is a hangover cure.
18. Ye learnt tae sweer afore ye learnt tae dae sums.
19. Ye actually understaun this and yurr gonnae send it tae yer pals .
20. Finally, you are 100% Glaswegian if you have ever said/heard these words... how's it hingin - clatty - boggin - cludgie - pished - get it up ye - wee beasties - arse bandit - amurny - awa an bile yer heid - peely-wally - humphey backit - Ba'-heid - baw bag - dubble nuggit.